An anniversary party is usually organized by someone other than the couple being celebrated, for a guest list the organizer only partly knows, drawn from forty or fifty years of friendships. That combination makes the invitation as much a research exercise as a design one.
The hard part of an anniversary is not the party, it is knowing who should be there. Adult children organizing a fortieth or fiftieth typically know half the list by name and none of it by email address.
Start by asking the couple for names, then work outward: a sibling, an old neighbor, a friend who kept in touch. Expect this to take a couple of weeks of messages, and start it before you fix a date.
Guests need to know whether the couple is inviting them or the children are, because it changes who they reply to, whether they bring a gift, and how formal the whole thing is.
Name one person as the contact. On a guest list this size, a question with no obvious recipient is a question that never gets asked and a guest who never confirms.
A fortieth or fiftieth anniversary guest list is old enough that access, parking distance, seating and timing all matter more than at any other celebration. An evening event ending at midnight will quietly exclude a good part of the room.
An afternoon into early evening works better, and stating an end time lets people plan a lift home. Ask about access needs in the reply rather than hoping they are raised.
A couple who has been married several decades needs nothing, and most guests know it while still wanting to bring something. Giving them a direction is a kindness.
The two that work best are a contribution to something the couple is doing — a trip, a meal out — or a written memory. Asking each guest for a short note about the couple produces something worth keeping, and costs nobody anything.
Fifty years of Margaret and John Their children would love you to join them Sunday, June 14, 2pm–6pm The Conservatory at Whitlock House Afternoon tea, a toast at 4, and plenty of chairs. No gifts, please — but if you would write a memory of them when you reply, we are collecting them into a book. Please reply to Sarah by May 30 with any dietary or access needs.
Ten years! Come and eat with us Saturday, September 5, 7:30pm Trattoria Bianco, 6 Market Square Just a long table and good company. Let us know by August 25, and tell us anything you don’t eat.
Nina and Paul are 25 years married Drop in any time Sunday, April 19, 1pm–5pm 4 Warwick Gardens Food throughout, and cake at 3. Come for an hour or stay for the afternoon. A rough idea of numbers by April 10 would help enormously.
Most often the couple's children, particularly for a fortieth or fiftieth. Whoever hosts should be named in the invitation, because it tells guests who to reply to and sets how formal the event is.
Eight weeks for the invitation itself, but start building the guest list around three months out. Tracking down contact details for friendships spanning decades is the part that actually takes the time.
A couple married several decades rarely needs anything. A contribution toward something they are already planning, or a written memory collected with the reply, both give guests something to give without adding to a house.
Hold it in the afternoon rather than the evening, state an end time so people can arrange a ride home, make sure there is seating, and ask about access needs as part of the reply rather than waiting for them to be raised.
Save the dates, invitations and RSVPs on one guest list — with meal choices collected as people reply.
Three generations in one room — an invitation that works for a college friend and an aunt alike.